You asshole you're gonna sink us all.

NOAH'S ARK - The fantastic tale of a 600 year old drunkard commissioned by God to build him a boat, God's approach and attempt to preserve all of humanity in order to filter out and remove all wickedness upon the face of the Earth.

Noah's Ark, A Major Fiasco

Genesis 6
1. And it came to pass, when men began to multiply on the face of the Earth, and daughters were born unto them.
2. That the sons of God saw the the daughters of men that they were fair; and they took them wife from which they chose.
3. And the Lord said, My spirit shall not always be with man, for he is also flesh: yet his days shall be 120 years. 4. There were giants in the Earth in those days and also after that, when the sons of God came in unto the daughters of men, and they bare children to them, the same became mighty men which were of old, men of renown.
5. And God saw that the wickedness of man was great, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.
6. And it repented the Lord that he made man on earth, and it grieved him at his heart.
7. And the Lord said, I will destroy man whom I have created from the face of the earth both man and beast, and the creeping thing, and the fowls of the air; for it repented me that I have made them. (even the animals and trees were continually wicked, in their hearts)
8. But Noah found grace in the eyes of the Lord.
9. These are the generation of Noah: Noah was a just man and perfect in his generations, and Noah walked with God.

So God commanded Noah to build an Ark of gopher wood and pitch.
Length of the Ark shall be 300 cubits, the breadth 50 cubits, and the height 30 cubits.

I presume gopher wood to be wood already sawed and hewed by gophers no doubt, in the shape of a boat for easy construction.

Because Noah had no saw, no hammer, no clamps, no nails, no bolts or screws, no blue-prints, no crane to lift the 50 ft. logs, no glue, except pitch (pine tar), for this overloaded vessel to take on the open seas.

I just wonder what held the boat together, let me guess, the glue of imaginary Faith..!

So no one wanted to ride in the boat because, there were no bathrooms, no life preservers, no life boats attached, no one had ever seen a boat this big before, not knowing where it was going, nor if it would ever come back, no one knew for sure that it would even float, plus the smell of and constant noise of the animals.

This boat was built and floated entirely on the premise of Faith..! And written upon the oral tradition of men's fables!

Had Noah's Ark actually been real and landed on top off Mt. Ararat, most of the animals and Noah's family would have frozen to death before they could all get down the 17,000 foot high mountain.

And so God used Noah and his family as a filter to filter out the wickedness and evil upon the face of the Earth.

And after the flood, Noah gets drunk and very soon after that in the very same chapter, Genesis we find the wicked city of Sodom and Gomorrah

So now after all this mighty planning, God finally finds out that men's hearts are continually wicked and his idiotic plan to filter out wickedness and having Noah to build a boat and flooding the Earth was nothing more than an giant moronic fiasco.

Why is this all knowing bible god so damned stupid?

Because he is the invention of ignorant men.

(updated Nov. 1, 2011)


B.R. said...

Indeed. This story is so moronic, only an impressionable young child could really believe in it. That's where Sunday School comes in...

Thanks for the post.

Sakura said...

I like how Kevin Smith had Alan Rickman's character the metatron say it in the movie Dogma:

"Noah was a drunk, look what he accomplished"

Why do I like it? Because it reminds me of the state someone HAD to be to write such ridiculous drivel about some 600 year old dude building a boat on his own, as well as collecting all those animals and then as a side mentions that it's his wife and 3 sons and their wives...umm...yeah...if that's all that's left, how in the fucking hell do two 600 year old people and six 550 year old people gonna fuck (cause sex is bad in religion) and have kids

Steven Bently said...

That's funny, exactly when you're drunk it's hard to get it

John, 3-69: And it came to pass that jesus turned water into wine, soon no one there was able to screw!

Thanks for the comments everyone!

Steven Bently said...

I mean, fuck!!!

Dr. Kold_Kadavr_flatliner, MD said...

Ah! How sad. You apparently don't have any faith. God bless you.